Imperfect but Forgiven

Imperfect means: not perfect, faulty or incomplete. 

Forgiven means: to cease blame or hold resentment against. To grant pardon for. 

When I was younger, I sang in church and there is a song and just a small part of the lyrics is:

“Hes still working on me, to make me what I need to be” This is that imperfect part, I am still incomplete. God is still working on me everyday, to make me what I need to be. 

I went to church ever since I was born but going to church and living the Christian life is not the same thing. I was baptized when I was around 12 or 13, because everyone else was doing it, and it was into a religious denomination. So I honestly was not 100% invested in what I was being baptized about. 

Through my teenage life into my young adult life, I made choices that were not good. I did things that to this day I am pretty ashamed of that I haven’t told people about, but my husband…..And recently God. As this blog continues, I may elaborate more if that's what God is leading me to do. 

Because of things that I did and things that I went through, parental relationships and choices I made because of poor self esteem…..I felt like I just didn’t deserve unconditional love from anyone. And to be honest, I still feel like that at times. 

July 4th, 2020

That was MY day. MY day to have that conversation with God that NEEDED to happen. 

That was my day that I was sitting on my bed in Portland, Oregon. Just thinking of everything that I have done in the past. People that I had hurt, things that I did that were just not living up to the Christian life that I was taught to live! I grew up knowing what was right and what was wrong and I just kept choosing to do the opposite! BUT this day, it came to a head. I had to just stop in my tracks and realize that what I was doing wasn't helping anyone. It wasn't helping me to be what GOD CREATED me to be! 

Right then, I realized I was just very imperfect and VERY broken. Oh so broken. 

You see, God needs you to be broken before you can get to where you need to be. 

Switchfoot has a song called I Wont Let You Go and I feel this is exactly what God was trying to tell me for a long time, but I just needed to open my ears AND open my heart. 

“If you could only let your guard down

If you could learn to trust me somehow

Well I swear I wont let you go

If you could only let go of your doubts

If you could just believe in me now

I swear, that I won’t let you go”

I took that step to trust. And let me tell you, it was the best feeling I ever had! I asked God to just forgive me for things that I have done and surrendered my life to him and asked him to save me and that I wanted to be saved! I needed to be saved from myself, from my self destructive person that I was becoming. 

Where does this leave me now? 

Its simple.

Imperfect but Forgiven.