Day 1...Again.

How did I get like this? 

Well having three babies, BIG BABIES could be some of the culprit. During those pregnancies, I was also overweight and had gestational diabetes. 

This also started years ago from eating out of boredom and emotional eating. When you feel like things are out of control, sometimes you feel like you have to be in control of something else. But guess what, eating emotionally and out of boredom, is actually controlling you. Trust me, I know all about this! 

Having a healthy relationship with food is a must. But first one must realize what having a bad relationship with food looks like. 

I have taken this list from www.healthline.com. 

Here are the signs of a bad relationship with food:

• You feel guilty about eating.
• You avoid or restrict foods that are “bad” for you.
• You have developed a long list of rules surrounding the foods you can and cannot eat.
• You rely on calorie counters or apps to tell you when you’re done eating for the day.
• You ignore your body’s natural hunger cues.
• You have a history of yo-yo dieting or following the latest diet fads.
• You feel immense stress and anxiety when eating in social settings due to fear of what others may think of your food choices.
• You find yourself restricting and/or binging food.

So that is all me in a nutshell. I honestly cannot live happily knowing I do have these issues. Thats where one needs to start to understand that you can get out of these habits and also start to understand what your triggers are and how to better handle them.

A trigger I have is comparing myself to others and what I think I should look like, based off of them. This stems from when I was growing up, being told I should look like so and so and isn't so and so pretty.....things like that. Being a young girl growing up, they are trying to figure out their bodies.

Another trigger for me is stress and anxiety. Sometimes I feel so out of control that I need to eat. That is something I "think" I can control but in reality, it's something that is controlling me. It's a lose-lose situation.  

And let me be just really honest about this one. Another trigger I have or even something I think about is how I want to be up to par to my husband. In NO WAY does he say negative things about my body, it's all me. I want to make sure that I make him happy by not letting myself go. He's great looking! Let me tell you, he would roll his eyes if he knew I'm writing this, but, I want to LOOK like that couple that belongs together. You know you see those couples that look like they belong together and others that are totally opposite of each other? Yes, people are so judgy. And why do I even care? Because it was ingrained as a little girl, to care. Maybe one day, just one day, that will be one of those triggers I can just let go but for now, I am going to be completely honest about my ((cough cough)) issues. 

What am I going to do differently this round? AM I going to do anything different? 

Shoot, maybe just stick with it would be a good thing to start with. I did it once before and got down to 200 lbs so I know it can be done. The thing that needs to be done is making it long term, something for a lifetime.